Chaos

My emotions have been a bit chaotic lately. I am feeling all over the place. It seems as if I am swimming in a sea of each of the emotions of life and just trying to pinpoint which one I am suppose to feel. I have been swimming so long and so hard with no results that I am completely exhausted. It is not like I have exalted problems or exaggerated trials. Just the everyday things that push and pull at you to keep trying you to become better, bigger and more productive. It really made me think when my sister asked if I am overly stressed and if I am okay. I am edgy, defensive and not quite myself. I don’t really even like being with myself, I have crazy conversations and don’t understand what I am feeling.

A lot of the people closest to me geographically and emotionally all have great needs and help lately. I can’t give enough or anymore. We all need and give as much as we can but it does not seem enough for all our needs. It makes me sad and contemplative. There is so much we need to find ourselves, reach higher for and stretch as long as possible. I wonder how long we can all keep going.

I just needed to send this out into the void to validate that what I am feeling is okay and that I can go on. I will probably regret posting this tomorrow and delete it, but for now this is how I feel and I will probably backstroke through it.