Faith and Prayers

At night when saying Noah's personal prayers we ask him to tell us what he wants to thank Heavenly Father for. The first night he of course said "Scoop" and "Dump", his favorite thing of all time his trucks (shown above at Christmas 05). The second night it was his "books" and his "phant" (elephant). We started doing this about a month ago and it has become one of my favorite times of day. He always looks away thoughtfully and even puts his finger to his mouth and says "hmmm". And then lets us know what we should say, as he repeats after us. He even asked the other day for Heavenly Father for Amy's baby to be born. In his baby blessing it states that he has unshakeable faith. And I notice when he really asks you see the results of his faith. It has made me much more thoughtful about my own prayers, instead of just going through the motions. I don't think my prayers were insincere but they had become the same, thanking him and asking him for the same things. It is good to have reminders and examples in your children. I know I write a lot about my son, but he marvels me and teaches me new things about life, the gospel and myself every day.

McDreamy

I was 2 months shy of 13 years old and my Dad decides to take me on a Daddy Daughter Date. We go and see my first PG-13 movie and I wasn't even thirteen yet. I became obsessed with the movie "Can't Buy Me Love". I felt so grown up and cool that I got to see this movie that was a bit illegal for me (although my dad took me, How illegal is that). Think about it, how cool is that White suede outfit that she borrowed from her mom. And Patrick Demsey's mop of curly hair. When I watch that movie now, I see all the bad examples and how not cool things are that they do (that just shows that I am getting old now) but at 13 I was in bliss that I saw that movie. It is something I will never forget, the smell of the theatre, my dad's "whitty" comments about the movie and the feeling that I had finally arrived.

Well, I have a new obsession and ironically enough Patrick is in both. I love Grey's Anatomy. Now showing on Thursday Nights and tonight was the season premiere. I started watching the middle of last season and I am hooked. Ten teases me that it is my soap and I admit it is a bit dramatic but I am sucked in. The characters are so appealing and real. The show is amazingly well written. I love that is makes me feel and involved. I admit that I cried when Denny died last season. And I hope beyond all hope that Meredith and McDreamy(Patrick Demsey) will be able to figure out themselves and what their relationship can be. I was talking to a friend that is a baby doc, who is also addicted. Her reason is that they show the emotions of how doctors really feel about their patients without all the love triangles in the real workld. Well, they did not let me down tonight. I am so excited for Season 3. Who will she pick McVet or McDreamy?

The UT State Fair

So I have tried to start and post at least 5 entries since I last posted and for reasons out of my control it just has not happened. This one has just kept nagging so I am taking 5 minutes away from work to quickly post this.

We went to the Utah State Fair a couple of weekends ago and I loved it. I was like a little kid. Noah got to sit in a real Scoop truck and a tractor, ride a pony, pet the goats, see the cows milked, see the cutest baby piglets and have a snowcone. They had a childrens area where they were farmers, and walked around this cute area where they planted a vegtable and picked it, pretended to milk a cow, brush a sheep, gather eggs from the chicken. At the end they went to the Farmers Market and sold it for a pretend dollar and got to buy something in the store. Noah picked an apple. I thought that was a good choice. I love looking at the art and crafts that people submitted. I just loved it. We went with my brother Nik and his wife Lena and just had a fabulous day. This is me, Noah and Lena in front of a cow. We took it for Lena's mom and for all the cow lovers out there.

Man Rituals

This morning when Noah woke up his dad was shaving in the bathroom. Usually, Noah is very slow to wake up. But today, he raced into the bathroom to shave with daddy. As Dad was helping him shave, he even made the faces and everything. Afterwards they both put on aftershave together. They then continued on to brush their teeth and put on deoderant. Noah felt so big and proud and even asked me to smell his pits because he smelled so good. And then he laughed and laughed thinking he is so funny.

It made me think a lot about Man Rituals. Noah wants to do anything his Dad does. If Dad is mowing the lawn, he has to be right there (as example from the picture here taken in June). If Dad is moving dirt, playing XBox or reading, Noah will copy every little gesture and grunt. Even if Dad goes to the bathroom he copies all the motions and does it just the same. The ONLY time he wants to use the toilet is if Dad is there to watch and help. In most area Mom just does not cut it whatever Dad is doing is always way more interesting.

I am grateful for a Man , husband and father that is a good example to my son so that the things he learns about how to be a Man will help him become productive, hardworking, hilarious and loving. I love my men and I love watching them do so called Manly things together. It does my heart good.

Chaos

My emotions have been a bit chaotic lately. I am feeling all over the place. It seems as if I am swimming in a sea of each of the emotions of life and just trying to pinpoint which one I am suppose to feel. I have been swimming so long and so hard with no results that I am completely exhausted. It is not like I have exalted problems or exaggerated trials. Just the everyday things that push and pull at you to keep trying you to become better, bigger and more productive. It really made me think when my sister asked if I am overly stressed and if I am okay. I am edgy, defensive and not quite myself. I don’t really even like being with myself, I have crazy conversations and don’t understand what I am feeling.

A lot of the people closest to me geographically and emotionally all have great needs and help lately. I can’t give enough or anymore. We all need and give as much as we can but it does not seem enough for all our needs. It makes me sad and contemplative. There is so much we need to find ourselves, reach higher for and stretch as long as possible. I wonder how long we can all keep going.

I just needed to send this out into the void to validate that what I am feeling is okay and that I can go on. I will probably regret posting this tomorrow and delete it, but for now this is how I feel and I will probably backstroke through it.

ZURG

Zurg!! This is my son Noah's obsession lately. Ever since we went to Disneyland and went on the new Buzz ride where you are a space ranger and have a blaster and your mission is to shoot as many of Zurg's minions as you can. Noah is now obsessed not with Buzz but with Zurg. We went on this ride a ton. Noah and Josh (his cousin) asked a million times to go on it again and again. The excitement and joy on Noah's face on the ride made it fun for us also. We bought him a Buzz and Zurg playset. He does not want to be Buzz, he wants to be Zurg. Zurg has a bigger gun and you can blow things up a lot louder. He doesn't quite get the good guy-bad guy scenario. Buzz is usually the one falling down all the time in Noah world.

Another funny thing he has been doing, is when he is mad at me for putting him in time out or telling him he made a bad choice, instead of hitting me (time out) or yelling at me (time out) he points his arm at me and starts using his Buzz power laser to blast me. It is very creative and kinda funny but you really should not blast your mom when you are mad at her so it still grounds for a time out. Poor kid.

Shoes!

Last night was my first successful enrichment night as the new enrichment leader in my ward. It was the summer sole-cial and we had the theme of shoes. Women have a love affair with shoes that most men don't understand. So we invited the women to bring shoes to share their story. I realized that most shoes have a story. Even if you just bought them because they were pretty and look amazing with the new skirt your husband got you as a surprise. It was so fun to hear the stories and everyone enjoyed themselves. One lady had a pair of shoes her mother wore at her wedding in 1915, they were dyed egg shell blue and had matching stocking. The insides were leather and they had a bow on the toe. The sides folded down so there were flaps on both side. They were beautiful.
I really enjoyed finding my shoe stories. My sister Amy made ruby slippers for her wedding day. On the temple steps she would peek her toes out and there would be a flash of red. I took a pair of knitted booties that Kersten's Grandma who lives in Austria made and they are one of my greatest treasure. She only speaks German, the love she has for my son was communicated through the things she made him. I also took my tennis shoes I bought when pregnant with Noah. I had to buy them in Man sized because my feet were so swollen. They are one of the most comfortable pair of shoes I have ever owned. I am not finatical about shoes but they are really fun and can make a huge statement if you let them .

So women out there, enjoy your shoes. Embrace you womanhood, even if it can be a bit uncomfortable.