Gain and Loss

I had to Change my life?

A year ago I took charge and changed my life and made things better.

Harder, more hectic,  a bit stressful but safer and less worry.

I only get  a fourth of everything I need to get done.  I disappoint myself, my spouse, my children more than I would like to admit.  I stumble, I fall,  I lift up again and keep going. One more day, one more hour and one more minute if possible.

I had to do this.  I had to be strong and better for my little family.   Life throws things at you and with it come so many amazing miracles and losses.

People I never would have thought ever.  Now won't talk,  won't listen and betray.  Behind my back with sweetness to my face.  Important irreplaceable people,  who I thought were kindred souls.

Why Why Why?

do I hang on to the people I love?  I forgive and forgive them their little trespasses.  I try to be honest.  I thought it went both ways.  

My life is different.  

My heart is the same.

Be honest.  I am trying.  I just hurts.

Everyone Needs A Voice.

This boy did not have a voice.  He always made noise.  He cooed and cried as an infant.  He hummed and tapped to music.  He grunted, pointed and made his needs known. His lungs screamed with outrage if he felt that something was unjust.  The background noise of my life has been the sound effects of fighting bad guys, since before I can remember.  There is not doubt that this boy, my boy communicated.

His Voice,  His Words, His Stories could not be heard.

They were trapped inside his brain.  AND they could not get out.

They banged and pushed and fought there way to the surface just to be misunderstood and thought gibberish.

OH, the frustration, the tantrums and the tears.

Both mine and his.

Everyone needs a Voice.

This creative, imaginative, hardworking, sweet boy pulled his weapons out and conquered through the fog, grime, muck and tears.  Fighting to retrain the way his words sounded to others.  He learned that working hard at something is invaluable.  That often he is the only one who can change his destiny.  Learning empathy along the way, that everyone has something they are fighting.  Everyone has a trial that makes them work,  throw their hands up in frustration and that makes them cry.  Because of this he is more understanding and tolerant of those hard things in those around him.

My boy has a VOICE now.  His voice has not come easily.  He works everyday to keep that voice.  So people can better understand him and he can be heard. The road is still stretching out before him and for the rest of his life, his voice will be heard.  Each word fighting and clawing it's way to the surface. 

May 14th is the first annual National Appraxia Awareness Day
Please were blue and white and join us in recognizing this day
Speak up for the children who cannot speak for themselves.
Every child deserves a voice.

Fragile Humanity

Events in my recent past and present keep reminding me of our fragile human state.  How the existence of our human body and soul, sit on the brink of tilting and putting us on a course so different than we ever imagined.  In an instant our world can shatter into a million tiny shards of glass that poke and probe where you don't want them.  But shimmer, shine and reflect for a beauty you cannot compare.  

Our human body of flesh, blood, muscles and bones are fed by our blood.  The heart keeps pumping in rhythm, nourishing and healing one little cell at a time.  It can jolt your senses, and disturb your sensibilities to a place beyond constant to become better.  Knitting pieces together to create a whole.  It amazes me what our bodies can withstand.  God has made us so that our humanness will make us stronger.  It will remind us of who our maker is.  Test us beyond our own abilities so that we will learn to call on him to make us whole again.  And, only through him can we be whole again. 

My human body has been through a lot more than most but not as much as some.  It resilience amazes me. It's fragility terrifies me.  It's constant fight astounds me, All the mechanisms simultaneously moving to heal, pushing and thriving to push forward.  It never does what is expected of it, for good or ill.  It does what it wants!  Always pulling through in the end.  Even if the fight is long and difficult.  Pushing the endurance of not only myself, but of the people I love best, it keeps on fighting through the muck. 

I wonder often of why the human spirit does not crash and burn in us and others as they continue on in the  battles they are meant to fight.  I am reminded of how strong we must have been and still are.  That we won't give in easily.  That change is the only constant in life, other than our loving Father in Heaven.  He never leaves us,  He know how we feel, what is happening and how we will survive it.  If we lose a piece of any of us along the way we will be stronger and MORE whole on the other side of the battle field.

Sofia Second Year of Preschool

The air is electric with excitement.

After waiting a full week after Noah started school.

Sofia finally gets to go to the magical Teacher Pat again.

 Sofia is a girl in motion.

So happy to go to school again.

 When Sofia awakes in the morning.

To cope with the day, she turns into a puppy.

Today her name was Rainbow Sparkles.

She has to wear puppy ears to school

and we had to wear a bit of makeup.

It is a special day after all.

Mollie, Sofia and Myka ready for school

Sofia sitting on the rug with her girls from school.

I know she will have a magnificent day. 

It is time to be back on a schedule.  

Noah the 3rd Grader

 Another school year begins

for my so grown up boy Noah.

Wow,  I can't believe he is in 3rd grade

 Here is his silly picture.  

 They received Space glasses so they are prepared to 

Explore new things this year.

His teacher this year is Ms Brynn.

He was super excited.  He did not want me to call his friends

to see what class they were in.  So he would not have time

to be sad if they were in another class.  

And most of them are in a different class.

"Don't worry, Mom.  I will be fine."

I know I was more worried than he is and was. 

Cub Country

Now that Noah is eight, he has started Cub Scouts and is now a Wolf.  He had his first Cub Country Scout Camp June 29-30.

This is him on his way.  Luckily his good friend, Ry from across the street went with him and they had a blast.  Kersten's family has a tradition for the boys to get their first pocket knife when becoming a scout.  Noah sure felt big.  We told him the story of when Uncle J got his first knife he cut himself.  We had good laugh over that one.
His first day was at Super Hero Camp,  they got to shoot BB guns and go on an obstacle course.  One of the counselors did a skit about the Hulk that made the boys laugh a lot.  He came home filthy and tired and super happy.

The second day was at Jurassic Park.  They learned a lot and he said it was more "learning instead of doing."  The did get to shoot a bow and arrow and learn about bones.  Which are fascinating.

Again he came home dirty tired and talkative.  Kersten was amazed at the dirt on this boy when he arrived home that we took pictures

And his feet had socks on.

Noah says he definitely loves being a scout and is glad he is old enough to go now.  I still can't believe my boy is so grown up.

Sofia Preschool Graduation

Sofia's Preschool Graduation

I still cannot believe my Fia has finished her first year of Preschool.

She has absolutely thrived and loved every minute of it.

I think that fact that she plays "Teacher Pat" and is constantly telling 

me things she learned at school is a good sign.

For the celebration, they had a musician come

He called up one of the father's to help.

Kersten was the lucky one. 

He abhors going up in front of people for entertainment.

He can teach or talk but not entertain.

He is embarrassed for anyone who has to do that.

 The fact that he did it happily shows how much he loves his girl.

I know it meant a lot to her that he showed up for a little bit of the party.

 The whole thing was a water party.  

Sofia is a water girl and so so loved it.

While other kids wandered off to the slides etc

my girl stayed in the water.

Teacher Pat gave them a gift and a certificate to show their acheivement.

There are not many people like Teacher Pat. 

She LOVES what she does and the kids LOVE her.

I want to be like Teacher Pat when I grow up.