I woke up this morning with a major hangover.
Or what I imagine a hangover must feel like.
I never have had a real one.
But I had a friend back at diabetic camp tell me that going low
as in (low blood sugar) is a lot like getting drunk
as is going high as in (high blood sugar) is a lot like getting high.
The loss of control of your emotions and some of your faculties.
My head is pounding and my limbs are loose and my head is in a fog.
I just want to go back to sleep.
Luckily I have a girl who is snuggling and making out with my face
and then a boy that keeps fainting because his girls look so pretty today.
I drank my first jolt of caffeine, my beloved Diet Coke.
And took a very hot shower and realized why lots of people do that to feel better.
Shower time is thinking time. One of the rare times I am by myself.
Even if a little girl is knocking on the door trying to get in.
I don't drink but in this case I wished that the hangover was because of that
Instead of my reality,
Sometimes living with this disease is just a bit
overwhelming, defeating, frustrating and scary.
I don't define myself by my disease, but it seems to creep up everywhere.
It creeps into what I eat, it is such a divine part of it.
It creeps into my fun, my work, my showers, my time
and it creeps and tries to destroy my relationships.
It seems to be a theme with the people I love most.
A wise professional once told me that have a chronic disease
give people a lot of power.
Even if that power is making the people that you love, feel powerless.
Powerless to help, to feel or to live for you.
I have a very powerful promise from my Heavenly Father.
My bishop gave me a blessing when I got my new calling.
And in it I was promised that my children would be cared for when I was having a bad day.
I have seen that promised fulfilled 3 times now and more in little ways
since that blessing a month and a half ago.
How comforting this has been.
I know this is part of my life.
And will be until the day I depart from this earth.
I hate, (a very strong word) how it infects me and the people I love.
I need to learn how to incorporate it instead of fight against it.
5 comments:
Well, of course your title drew me in! I'm sorry you have had such rotten day and have to deal with such a challenge. I don't know what it's like to live with a chronic disease, but your honest raw post makes me feel it. What a wonderful blessing you got and especially to see it working in your life. Hugs to you and your family!
I wish I could come over, bring a Cafe Rio salad, clean your house and send you to bed. Then I would play with the kids in the backyard, take Noah too and from school without waking Sofia from her nap and make you all a yummy dinner. Know that I am thinking of you and doing all that I can from here - keeping you in my prayers.
Love you!
I love you Laurie my love.
I know a small part of what you go through everyday. I know that when i was diagnosed my family and friends were helpless. And I wish the could have helped. You feel bad for feeling so bad, but you can't do anything about it! I have only seen the diabetes take you over a couple times, and I will admit, it is scary. And I do feel helpless. But that fact that you are still here fighting it, means you have successfully fought it all this time. And I know you will never let it win!
"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night, remember?"
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