So close

I felt so full of wonder at my scheduled ultrasound today. Shaak-Ti is so healthy and beautiful. She is a little imp and already so full of personality. She is getting big enough now that it is hard to see all her face or anything. So we see these itemized parts of her sweet body. Her stomach, back, femur, head, beautiful heart, kidneys, brain and my favorite pic of the day was of her chin lips and nose. It almost looks like she is smirking. And she has quite the prominent chin. When Dr, Esplin came in and started looking at her, He got really excited like a boy in the toy store and asked if I wanted to see her in 3D. A new thing at the new hospital. Of course, my girl would not hold still to get a picture of her face but it was so beautiful to see her with a real skin tone and looking so much like a baby instead of the black and white images on the screen. It made me so excited to hold her little body and be closer to the end. Sorry I don't have a working scanner to post the pic of her silly chin, it is a wonder to behold.

Shaak-Ti is 4 lbs 8 oz right now and growing right on. I am now down for the count and if my conditions worsen for me in any way the Dr will just take her. He put me on some stronger meds for my blood pressure and preeclampsia problems. I go back mon and next fri for NST's and will see him Mon again so he can she how the meds worked over the weekend. We talked for a good 20 min about my birth options. I have been praying to know what will be easiest and healthiest for both of us. Today it was confirmed in my heart and with the doc that unless I go into labor on my own, we will do a scheduled C-section on January 8, 2008. Okay, now that feels really weird having a real solid date like that. I hope she waits till after the holidays. I think it would stink to have a birthday at that time.

31 weeks

Today I am 31 weeks along in my pregnancy. My, how the time flies. I know pregnancy is 40 weeks long, but my doc's won't let me go over 39. So I really have only 6 to 7 weeks left. And all those weeks have big fun happy holidays, birthdays, crazy celebrations and doctor visits and more doc visits. In other words really, really busy. This seems to be going so much faster than it ever did with Noah. I feel it is the combination of being a bit more busy and everything is not so new, dramatic and life altering. Not to say that a new baby is not life altering or a beautiful miracle every single time. I am just saying that this time I have a better idea of what is to come. Therefore, I am a bit calmer about the changes in me and my body and more aware of how it will change my everyday life once this sweet one comes.

I have talked about a lot of my irrational crazy fears and worries with this baby and I really feel that most of them are a product of raging hormones and fatique. It is much easier to worry about changing a little girl diaper than any of the big and more important things. I sometimes want to strangle doctors, diabetic educators and other people that don't have to live like I do. The reason I want to strangle them is the unsolicited facts and horror stories they pound into your head. Basically saying if you don't do everything perfect, your baby will be ruined, maimed, altered or sick for it's entire life. At the beginning of this pregnancy I had my diabetic endocrogist look at me with horror at some of my blood sugars. His voice was so demeaning and horrific as if I had caused the ultimate sin and would be sent to Hades for the rest of my existence. I was 5 weeks pregnant at the time and just found out I was in the family way. I chose after that to have some of my other very well educated and trained doctors help and do the testing needed for this pregnancy. That is also one less doctor visit every 6 weeks. So I have decided that I would rather worry about my sleep deprivation than deforming my child. All I can do is what is humanly possible for me. And so I will. I have actually been incredibly blessed with my pregnancies. I talk to other diabetic mothers and hear how their kidneys stopped working or all sorts of things and I count my blessings and thank my Heavenly Father for helping me through this and giving me the blessing of my babies.

I have decided to embrace my silly, crazy, irrational fears to replace the real ones. And fret that my bra size is now what is was when I was nursing Noah, Yes, people you read that right, when I was nursing him. So that means they will still probably get even larger. So I can fret that I will look like a freakish woman with large ample bosoms and big baggy circles under my eyes. That has a darling little boy and a little girl that has lopsided bows and just keep laughing at myself and my imperfections so that I don't go totally and completely crazy. Just stay the little bit of crazy that I already am.

What Twilight Character are you?

Which Twilight novel character are you?

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Cinderella-The King

My Dad is in a play and luckily for me it is Cinderella. If you don't know this about me, I love Cinderella. So I was really excited for it and last night I got to go see it. I went with Nik and Lena and when we got there my Grandma Sh* was there and my Aunt Mary and Cousin Karen and husband Bryce , my dad's wife Kayleen and my sister Audrey. It was a bit of a family reunion. I was going to go tonight and plans changed so I got to go with Nik, which made me happy.

The play was really darling. My dad was absolutely amazing in it. He played the King. He grew his beard and what hair he has a bit longer so you can see his curls. And surprisingly his beard is now mostly white with a bit of pepper just around his mouth. He looked very handsome. It made me proud that I was his daughter. He really is talented at acting. I am really glad that he started doing it again.

The play was a bit cheesy but hey it is Cinderella. The Stepsisters were hilarious and cast really well. I loved that when the Chancelor had to go around trying on the shoe, he went in the audience and tried it on some of the little girls. I told Nik it was a good thing they did not try it on me for the play would have been over for I am the real Cinderella. Cinderella's dress was yellow for the ball and had a tulle skirt. It was so fun. I am so glad I was able to go.

November Real Simple Interview

What are you really good at? I feel like I am a really loyal friend. Once I have made a real friend, It is really hard to get rid of me. I hold my friends and dear ones close to my heart.

What is your favorite Thanksgiving Food? My Grandma S* homemade stuffing and gravy. Oh, I still dream about it. I have the image of my Grandpa carving the turkey with her standing right next to him thickening the gravy. I really miss that.

If you could change places with anyone, living or dead, for one day, who would it be? This one is really hard for me. I am going to have to say Kersten. He says that he is really simple to figure out but sometimes I am baffled about how to help and be a better wife to him. It would be fantastic to get into his head

Would you rather be a little smarter or a little sexier? I already am really smart. I would like to be a bit more articulate with words so I could express myself better. But, right now I am totally going with sexier. I still want to turn Kersten to butter by looking at me when I am old.

The best decision I ever made was . . . Marrying my husband Kersten, He really is my perfect match although not perfect. He makes me happy, the second decision was to finish college and get my BS degree. I am eternally grateful that I stuck it out.

What are you most proud of? My son and family, I love my life as a mother. I had many people discourage and tell me I probably would never be able to have children. The fact that I have this beautiful boy and one almost here is such a miracle to me.

Something on my mind lately is . . . I have really irrational fears about this second baby. Unlike the first, where labor etc were my fears. This time it is changing a girl diaper, doing girl hair and clothes and if Noah will still like his baby sister when she is here.

Before I die, I'd like to . . .Travel to the countries of my heritage. She my children grow up and get married and have grandchildren. I just want to be vital still to enjoy it all

Happy Birthday Jason F*

(written by guest blogger Kersten)
Today is my brother's birthday. Jason's birth heralded the end of the estrogen dominated house hold of my early youth. I was so thrilled to have a brother. Because I felt that my parents chose such weird names for their kids (Nina, Kersten and Virginia) I insisted on naming him. Jason was always my buddy. Before he knew any better, he would follow me anywhere and do anything for me.

As he grew up, he worked hard at being both creative and funny. He started the first family newspaper and called it the Salt Lake Baboon. The Baboon would always feature interviews with family members, news reports about family scandals and hand-drawn comics. Jason started writing a musical that he is still working on today. This musical contains songs about the ups and downs of drinking alcohol. He broke the boundries of traditional male and female dress standards when he and his male friend dressed as girls, complete with makeup, and pranced around the yard. Jason even had his own catch phrases. I will never forget such jewels as "hoo-hoo-hee-hoo".

Jason has grown up to be an oustanding man. Much to everyone's surprise, he turned out to be straight. He is self-reliant and strong. He is hilarious and can have the whole family laughing in minutes. Jason is very dedicated to his family and friends. He will never turn his back on anyone. My brother is motivated and I am sure he will become rich, famous and drunk.

Grateful Sunday 11-4-07

BABY BLESSINGS: Today was so much fun. I had two baby blessings to go too today.

My friend Kieran blessed her little boy, Graham Williard this morning. Noah was so excited to go to Heber's church. It was so fun visiting with her family especially, her mom and sister in law. I got to hold that cute chubbs for awhile, he is a snuggly, contented boy.

Afterwards we went to Jim and Cherie's baby girl, LilleeOna Josephine openhouse. It was so good to see our friends from the old condo days. Noah was in heaven running around with all those kids. He cried when Maci had to go home. And begged to play more as we stayed. It was really fun to see our friends

OLD GOOD FRIENDS: This weekend has been full of friends. We saw Ryan and Kristine on Saturday and went and saw their new house and as mentioned before we saw lots of friends today. It is so fun to see people that you have a history with and can pick up where you left off. We have been really blessed and lucky in our life with good friends

KERSTEN: I am so proud of him and of being his wife. With going back to work this week and still not feeling fully himself, I know it has been tough on him. He really is so smart and talented and I know that we will get where we need to be. He is such a good father and husband.

NOVEMBER: I am a bit overwhelmed with the holidays looming, I usually have all my shopping pretty much done or figured out by now. I am not even close. I love the energy and the festive air around everything that starts with Halloween. I only have 2 months left with this baby and I am going to enjoy every minute of it. It will be so fun now.