Happy Donut Day 2012

21 years, 21 years, 21 years, and 21 years.  Wow, it has been 21 years since my Dad (in full beaver makeup) and I stopped at a donut shop on our way to the eye doctor.  I have such disjointed memories of that day.  There are some that are so so close and vivid that if I reached my hand out just enough I could feel them through my fingers.  And others are so fuzzy, confusing and fearful that I want to push them so far away that I won't have to see them anymore.

21 has been an important and lucky number for me my entire life.  I was born on the 21st,  I got married on the 21st and I got married when I was 21.  So I have a feeling this 21st year is going to be pretty amazing.  This number has brought me so much joy, understanding and peace in the past.  I strive to make it work for me again.

I have a wish that I could be one of those people that embrace their challenges head on with enthusiam and vigor.  I still have not figured out how to embrace or even handle all daily struggles you  have with a chronic illness.  Doing the same things over and over has said to be a sign of insanity.  Doing the things I HAVE to for survival and a healthy body, seem to drive me to a crazy place.  

My whole life seems to be in waves.  A long rolling, stretch of a roller coaster, sending me up to the highest highs and the thrill seeking falls.  In every aspect, I guess the challenge is to learn to do the things that speed you to the funny farm and enjoy the thrilling ride along the way.